A Story about defeating the odds where only 3% walk away
On the night of February 18th, the club hockey team began a 3 day road trip to Utah to play 2 games, the first one vs. Utah State and the second one vs. Weber State. It was a 7 hour drive full of laughs, snoring, bad weather, and pranks. We arrived at the hotel in Ogden, Utah at 8am, where we all decided to relax and catch up on sleep. I met with my dad who drove down from Idaho to watch me play since it was only a four hour drive for him and he also had a business call in the area so it was really convenient for him. I was also excited that our really close family friends from Salt Lake were driving up to come watch me play, Tawni and Casey, and their son Ryan who also played hockey in college and his wife Natalie and their two kids were coming to the game to watch me play for the first time. So, after hanging out with my dad for a little while I decided to take a nap and get ready for my game against Utah State. Little did I know what was in store for me that night.
The first game was at Utah State which was a 40 minute drive to Logan, on the bus ride I along with my teammates started to get in the zone and prepare for the game. I got ready the same way I always did for this game, I went for a team jog, listened to my iPod to get pumped up, then re-taped my stick, and got ready to play. Next thing I knew, it was game time, and we got our pregame speech from our coach, telling us to stay smart and to have fun out there. We lined up in the hallway getting ready to step on the ice in front of the boisterous Utah State crowd. Our coach also added that it was Utah State’s last home game which means it was senior night, so Utah State will be coming out to play. We got booed and taunted as all 20 University of Denver players hit the ice. For me I used that negative cheering to fire me up and get me fired up to play.
My first shift of the game, felt like any other regular shift in my career, I was just trying to not let my adrenaline get the best of me and stay composed. Then in my second shift of the game, I went to block a shot right in front of the goal and then accidentally tripped my teammate and he landed on my shoulder, and dislocated my left shoulder. I slowly got up, and started skating slowly to the bench crouched over in lots of pain. Our team trainer Scotty immediately came over from the other side of the bench and knew that it was my shoulder that had been injured. After stabilizing the shoulder and making sure it was back in place, I took a little bit of a rest and let my teammate take my shift for me because I was still in a lot of pain. Once the pain began to fade, I was ready for my next shift.
There was a faceoff in our offensive zone, we won the draw and I got a slap shot off and the goalie covered the puck up for another faceoff. On the second faceoff, our center won it again, but my defensive partner mishandled the puck and it ended up going into the corner of the rink in our defensive zone. I was skating as hard as I could to make sure I had time to make a play with the puck. I looked over my left shoulder and saw a Utah State player about 20 feet behind me chasing me down. Once I got to the puck I passed it around the boards, behind the net, in hopes that a teammate will come back and pick it up. Then as I began to turn up ice, I felt one of the worst feelings I have ever felt in my life. I had been hit from behind, flying face first into the boards. I felt an electrical shock shoot down my spinal cord upon impact, and for a second I could not feel anything from my neck down and my body fell to the ice limply. The first thing that went through my mind was the thought that I might be paralyzed from the neck down, so I tried to move my hand and feet and I saw that they were moving so I knew I wasn’t paralyzed, but I had the feeling of pins and needles in my entire body and had no strength to move. I attempted to move and get off the ice, but after my first attempt and not moving more than an inch I knew that something major must be wrong and that I needed to stay on the ice and wait for Scotty to get on the ice and check me out. After lying on the ice for about a minute I was wondering why nobody was there, there was not a referee to be seen. Still lying on the ice with the strong pins and needles feeling in my body, I looked over towards the goal, to see what was going on. The next thing I saw was that Utah State had scored a goal, and my heart instantly sank, and my body filled with anger. I was so angry that I was about to start yelling at the referee for not blowing the whistle, because I was clearly hurt.
Finally after what felt like forever, Scotty, the athletic trainer, came to my rescue the instant the goal was scored to make sure I was ok. After many questions he began palpating my neck to make sure that I would not move my head and prevent further damage, we waited for the EMT and emergency personnel to arrive. I remember looking up at the glass and seeing my dad had his face pressed against the glass, looking at me with the fear in his eyes that he could lose his son. As soon as he could, my dad got on the ice to see what was going on. He had the same thoughts as I did running through his mind. But, I tried to stay strong and did all I could to be strong for my dad by not crying and just trying to let him know that I was going to be ok. While lying on the ice waiting, I was asked the same questions by different people every time a new person came onto the scene. The questions were, “Did you lose consciousness? What is today? Where are you right now? What happened? How old are you? When is your birthday?” and my response was always the same, No I did not lose consciousness, today is Friday February 19th, 2010, I am at Rice Eccles Arena in Logan, Utah playing Utah State, I got hit from behind and I have feeling in my hands and feet and can move them, I am 19 years old, and my birthday is **/**/****.
While waiting for the EMT’s to arrive, they took off my gloves and took my stick out of my hands and then tried removing my helmet. Now on my helmet there are two plastic clips that are supposed to protect my jaw from my cage getting smashed into it, but because of the force of the hit, part of my cage went over that clip so the doctor that was at that game had some trouble removing my helmet, but eventually they got it off.
A half an hour later, the emergency personnel arrived. They placed me on a backboard and secured my head, then transported me by ambulance to the hospital in Logan. Once I arrived at the hospital I was sent to get a CT scan to start diagnosing my injury. My dad and our family friends arrived shortly after I did. Once I got the results back from my CT scan, the doctor told me that I broke my neck. Not only did he tell me I broke my neck, but he said I broke the second vertebrae in my neck, and said it was a similar fracture to the one Christopher Reeves sustained. It was a type II odontoid fracture, which then the doctor told me was one of the deadliest fractures of the neck. He told me that 97% of the people who sustain such a fracture are either quadriplegic or die. I was luckily neither of those two, instead I had feeling in all of my extremities. However, at Logan they did not have a neurosurgeon on hand so I had to wait and be transported to Ogden, Utah, about a 30-minute flight in a helicopter, and hour by car. He also cam out and blatantly said that I will never be ably to play hockey again. Instantly my heart sank, and I began to fill with emotion so I questioned his statement and he said there was a small chance that I would be able to play again but was very hesitant. Tawni who is like my second mom, came to my bed side to talk to me and told me that it was ok to just let out any emotions that I was feeling, she said, “Just let it out, I don’t care if you have to swear or cry, just let it out” and for the first time in the whole incident, tears began to erupt out of my eyes and they ran down my face like a flash flood and everything that I held back to stay strong for my dad, and my teammates, came out. When the doctor came back and the tears began to dry up, he told me that I was going to be Flight for Lifed to Ogden because the hospital there was bigger and they had a neurologist on call whereas the hospital in Logan did not. So once the chopper landed, the crew came in and gave me the preflight rundown as to what was going to happen, once that was completed I was loaded into the chopper and it was time for my first chopper ride. Once in the air, I remember not being able to pop my ears, and it was very loud in the cabin. Once I landed I was in the hospital for about 45 minutes before my dad and family friends showed up. The nurses and the doctors told me that I was going to get an MRI on my neck to see if there was any neurological damage from the broken bone.
An hour after I arrived at the second hospital and my dad and family friends by my side, the neurosurgeon came in and I asked if I could be removed from the backboard. I had been strapped to the hard plastic board for over 4 hours and I could not distinguish which pain hurt more, the pain from my head being pressed down on the backboard, or the pain from my broken neck. When I was asked what my pain level was from 1-10 where 10 was the worst, I said it was a 9. Finally, the doctor got his crew of nurses and I was able to lie in a soft bed and was given the instructions to not move as much as possible. Also during those 4 hours, I did not have any pain killers.
My dad, and Tawni, Casey, and Ryan all showed up while I was waiting for the MRI machine to warm up. While I was waiting, Tawni asked me if I wanted a priests blessing, and I said yes, I want all the help I can get, so Casey and Ryan came in and gave me my blessing to make sure that I had a speedy recovery and also make sure that I would have the optimal energy to make it through this trauma and be back on my feet and be able to continue with my life. But when it came time for my MRI, I was placed onto another hard plastic board and then was lying on that for the duration of the MRI, which was about 50 minutes, then for another 45 minutes after the MRI waiting for the doctor to come back into the room to give us the next plan of action. I asked again if I could be removed from the plastic board as my head had already began to hurt again, he was disappointed in his staff that I was on the board for more than 30 minutes post MRI.
After waiting for the surgeon and the radiologist to converse about my MRI scan, the Doctor came in and told me what the plan of action would be. He turned my bed so I could see the results of the MRI scan and I was told for the second time that I had a similar injury to Christopher Reeves, and that I was very fortunate that I did not get up, because if I had the bone could have severed my spinal cord which could have shut down my diaphragm which would lead to suffocation. He then told me about the procedure and that I would undergo surgery and where he will place an odontoid screw to secure the fracture. After the consultation, I was sent to the Intensive Care Unit to wait for surgery.
The procedure would be held on Sunday morning at 7:00 am because he wanted to have his best assistants and make sure that the surgery is flawless. So I had a whole day in the hospital to wait for my operation. The next morning I was given some morphine at 5:00 am when I woke up from my sleep feeling extremely nauseated, which I then called for my mom to wake up to get the nurses immediately cause I was about to puke. The one thing I told my mom was to hold my head back so I didn’t disrupt the fracture. After the rough morning I was on the operating table exhausted, I think I fell asleep before they even put me under anesthesia. I remember waking up with my throat being extremely sore and having pain when swallowing. But I was woken up by my surgeon who then told me that my operation went well and that he thinks the screw is secure and can begin healing. I was released the next morning after I had my physical test, proving to the nurses that I could walk around and after having my first shower in 3 days. It was good to feel somewhat normal again by being able to move around. I spent the next 3 months coping with the repercussions of the injury.
Some of the things that I noticed were very different after my injury besides the fact I was in a neck brace were short term memory problems and post traumatic stress. The short term memory problem was that I began to have a spotty memory in that I could only remember certain things, and would also find myself repeating the same stories to the same people. When I began writing this paper a week after my injury, I thought that I was typing everything ok, but when I later looked back and read what I had wrote, I saw that it needed some serious revisions as every other word was misspelled , and some words didn’t even look like words. Also when writing this paper it became very emotional, where most times I would end up breaking down in tears having to stop writing. As I wrote the paper I began replaying the events perfectly in my mind seeing them as if they were happening in front of me, but these images not only were played when writing this paper, but many other papers I had to write for the spring quarter. The road of recovery has been a bumpy one, suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, the physical pain from my neck, and my out look on life and hockey. When I was home recovering I spent every day saying my prayers and realizing everything I have been through and knowing how thankful I am to be alive. It was a very emotional time; I spent many sleepless nights, trying to get comfortable sleeping with a neck brace on. When I returned to school I began to lose sight on my miracle of being alive. But, as I have been writing this paper, on my flight home from visiting my dad in Idaho 2 weeks after my injury, I had an epiphany and I came to the conclusion that the reason everything went ok was because my grandma who died when I was 12, was looking over me from up above and was the one who saved my life.
In Denver, when I going to my various x-ray appointments, the nurses and technicians asked me about my injury. One of the women told me that she worked in the trauma department for 13 years and saw numerous people with the same injury, but they never made it out of the hospital. I met with doctors for routine check ups, to make sure everything was going ok. However, when I got my 3 month check up, which was supposed to be when I got my brace off, there was a big red flag that the doctor did not like. The CT scan revealed that the screw actually missed part of the bone and was sticking out of the backside of the vertebrae. He told me there were two things I could do, one is that I could wait a little while and see if the fracture heels naturally or the second was that I would get my neck fused together and never be able to turn my head again. I thought to myself this couldn’t be true, so I went back to Utah to meet with my surgeon and see what he had to say about the situation. When I met with my surgeon in Utah, I got another CT scan, and when I went to talk to the doctor. He looked at the images and told me that in fact the screw was not in proper position, however he though that the screw did have enough purchase of the fracture and not to worry too much. But, for precautionary measures he said that I would in fact need to wear the brace for 3 additional months and he also gave me a bone growth stimulator. During my meeting he went through his entire thought process during the surgery and told me how he went about placing the screw in my neck and also said they had trouble getting the right alignment but during the fluoroscope which is a live x-ray he said the bone did not move so he had a purchase of the fractured bone. He gave me the bone stimulator at no cost because he knew that he had messed up, and he wanted to try and do everything he could to try and get my bone healed. He said that my insurance company would most likely decline the bone stimulator because I am a young adult with good bone growth, but because the fracture was in an area with such limited blood supply he was trying to do all he could to help me out.
After spending an entire summer in the neck brace, I was finally cleared to go about life with out it 6 months after the injury, right before classes resumed for the fall quarter. This fall I became re-affiliated with my team, this time as a defensive coach. I was cleared to skate around on the ice as a coach, not in my pads, and being on the other end of the spectrum has really been an interesting experience. I now watch the game and observe all of the cheap shots and see how many times a hit similar to mine is executed and it makes me cringe. There are also times when the energy on the bench is low an I just want to be on the ice to get the moral on the team up. It’s frustrating at times, but after watching our first half of the season, I have come to the conclusion that my day of playing competitive hockey are done. I have to officially hang up the skates and participate in either men’s league hockey, which is non-check, and or as a coach.
I want to stay associated with hockey for the rest of my life. Hockey has brought so many good things to my life, whether it is the companionship, the work ethic that is translated into every aspect of my life, or just the adrenaline of scoring the big goal or making the big hit. I always knew there was a risk when playing hockey, but as everyone thinks, it’ not going to happen to me. I unfortunately was one of those people who it happened to.
I want to end with the last piece of the puzzle. On November 4th, 2010, we had a road trip to San Jose, California where we played three games. One of them was against Utah State. At the end of the game the coach and the player who broke my neck confronted me. During everything which I have described above, there was 32 weeks that went by with no communication, no apologies, nothing. But, that night the coach pulled my aside at the end of the game to talk to me and check in to see how I was doing. I told the coach that it has been rough, and that I will never be able to play hockey again. Then the player who hit me began to talk to me, and told me how bad he felt after the hit, and that when he heard that I had broken my neck he was having some trouble coping with every day life and had this guilt living with him for quite some time. He said it was hard for him to finish playing the game and that he was extremely happy to know that I was alive. As I talked to him I opened up a little more and told him how hard it has been since the injury, as well as how much I appreciated him taking the time to talk to me. He told me he didn’t know how to quite go about the situation, whether he should leave me be or contact me to make sure I was ok. Whether it was the coaches doing for having the player talk to me or not it still meant a lot to me to bring closure to the whole situation. After talking to the player I returned to the locker room and broke down in tears. I just thought about my journey, and everything I had gone through, granted yes it would have been nice to have heard from him earlier, but as I see it, it was better late than never. He could have just gone to the locker room and not have acknowledged me but instead he confronted me which I am sure was not easy for him. It wasn’t easy for me, because for the past 32 weeks I had built up a strong hatred towards this player who ended my career, but in the end its good to know that he actually has a heart and wasn’t some goon out there to kill me. This is something that is going to live with me for the rest of my life. This is the story of the hit that changed my life.